There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
