Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize