if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Be still, my beating vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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