Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My dick has a subreddit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
