Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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