I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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