the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How does one acquire holy water?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
