Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
