I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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