We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
