i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
