I think im going to throw up on grandma
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
