You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
