So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
