Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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