vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That accounts for only three of the penises
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
