im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My life is pants optional.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
