Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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