I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
