I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
