id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
