so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize