I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
