I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
