So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
