I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
