Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
