Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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