I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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