Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
