Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
