I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
