hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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