Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
