She is in my trunk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
