she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
