you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She's the barista slut.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
