Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
