Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
