my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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