he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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