It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
