I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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