Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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