my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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