everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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