he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I came so hard my ears popped.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
