white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
