Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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