i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
