I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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