Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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