It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize