will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
