I wish I could teleport
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
