Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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