yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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