its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize