I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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