hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
