isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's never too late to be topless.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
