I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
