fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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