Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
