I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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